


Heartbeats as one

by luminous_nyght



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Zayn's a bit of a mess bit it ends well promise, it's canon, they're married
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2016-06-15
Packaged: 2018-07-15 03:47:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7206035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luminous_nyght/pseuds/luminous_nyght
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn nods, “Family always comes first.” He whispers his head finally coming down to rest on Liam’s chest.</p><p>“Also, we should write more songs together.” </p><p>“I agree, let’s make a whole album too.” He chuckles.</p><p>“Deal Mr Malik Payne.” Zayn chuckles, snuggling back into Liam’s warmth.</p><p>And that’s just it Liam thinks, family is the most important thing right now and always. And even if they have to sacrifice a hell of a lot it, and even if they have to deal with relapses and mental health issues, they have each other and in a few hours, Zayn’s family will storm the house and his parents will join them for iftar and that’s the only thing that matters as Zayn’s hand finds his and their bracelets and wedding bands clink together, after months apart their puzzle pieces finally click back into place.</p><p>Like always.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heartbeats as one

**Author's Note:**

> So this started out as a simple request by my girl Toni. She wanted smut. I had to turn it into 'something proper' as I say, so this is mostly smut with a lot of angst and fluff thrown in between.  
> There is a trigger warning for this:Self harm. Please be aware of this before you read it.
> 
> Other than that, it's a quick 3k I needed to happen for those of you that follow me on tumblr you will find the epilogue is already published as a dabble. I just edited it slightly and weaved it into this one.

 

 

When his phone first goes off, Liam’s got half a mind to ignore it. It’s late and he’s tired and he’s damned sure he doesn’t want the loud light of his screen bleeding into his eye sockets. He can hear the rain still smashing against the window. Each droplet hitting the pain to the beat of his heart.

 

He can’t sleep – unusual for him, it’s frustrating because he’s promised his Roo he’d be up bright and early to sit and write her wedding song. His phone goes off again, this time the vibration shakes his pillow, he realises this time it’s a phone call.

 

And he only knows of one person that dares phone him this late.

 

Zayn.

 

He’s fumbling, he’s too sore to move fast but when he does eventually slide the phone open he doesn’t hear Zayn’s usual chirpy voice on the other side screaming HELLO LEEYUM ARE YOU THERE. It’s a sob, an unpleasant wail he’s always hated – yet heard more often than he’d like to admit.

 

“Baby, what’s wrong?”  In reality he knows. He knows how much of a pain Zayn’s new management team has become. How many new threats they’ve had to deal with. How much ignorance still exists in this day and age and how far someone is willing to go just to keep their high flying job.

 

“Zayn Javadd Malik – Payne,” He says a bit more forcefully now, “Do I need to ask you again.”

 

He knows, even from the other side of the world that Zayn’s shaking his head, sitting up and wiping the tears from his cheeks.

 

“I’m using Gi’s phone. I’m officially on lockdown.” It comes across as a whisper, like he’s embarrassed he’s in this situation again.

 

“I see Marco has let Sarah in on Modest’s little secrets.” He says, anger boiling between his breaths.

 

Zayn whimpers again. He’s all too aware. “Where is Gigi?” Liam asks exasperated. “Outside.” Comes the reply. “I didn’t want her to hear me break down.”

 

“Tell me you’ve not relapsed?” He’s aware of the sharpness of his voice, but he just _needs_ to know.

 

“I hate you right now.” Liam wants to chuckle. He wants to tell himself it will all be ok, like it always is, but he’s too tired to lie to himself so hugely.

 

“You married me.” He says instead. “Two and a half years ago to be exact Zayn, expect me in seven hours.”

 

“You don’t have to come.” Zayn’s answering as another cry rips through his chest. He can tell Zayn’s exhausted and frustrated with himself but only Liam would know that because he knows Zayn better than he knows himself.

“Main tumse pyar karta hoon.” He whispers as he hangs up. A phrase so familiar to him somehow leaves a cold tinge in his mouth now. He walks over to Ruth’s bedroom quietly, wakes her up almost forcefully, handing her her passport and promising to buy her everything she would need for this impromptu trip once they’re in the air.

 

When they take off an hour later, Liam’s ready for a fight.

 

*

When he lands in New York, he doesn’t even bother driving Ruth to a hotel. He’s well aware that Zayn’s team rents two apartments in the same block to create the illusion that Zayn and Gigi live with each other.

 

His sister kisses him on the cheek just before they leave the people carrier and he hands her the key to Gigi’s flat. Zayn was given a set of keys to both and he’s more that sure Gigi spent the night trying to get him to calm down.

 

Zayn doesn’t’ though, he only calms when it’s Liam holding him. It’s a crisp morning, too early for any paparazzi to be lurking around but he still dashes into the block on Bond Street, just in case. Once he’s inside the lift he shakily opens his phone and sends a text to Ruth’s fiancé, Tom explaining that they’ll be away for a few days but there is a flight ready for him to arrive to them within the next three hours.

 

The moment he latches the door open, Gigi is standing up from the sofa across from Zayn, who’s only lit up by the lampshade nearby. He can see dried tear tracks down his face and fingers tightly wrapped around his favourite Me to You. He hates the way he’s curled up, because he can see the fresh new lines running across his thighs cutting open the tattoos he’s intent on hiding from the world.

 

He calls Gigi outside and she sleepily makes her way out into the corridor and into the next apartment.

 

“Please explain to me what’s happened?” He’s never been particularly fond of Zayn’s choice of beards but Zayn didn’t have a choice really it’s tit for tat.

 

“Our contract extension issue came up.” She starts almost politely, “They told him they can’t do the Summer Time Ball if he doesn’t resign."

 

He wants to scream.  "It’s that Ned boy isn’t it.” She shakes her head, “It’s Griff actually, Zayn’s just been informed he works for Luis.”

 

“And he’s only being just told this why?”

 

“Because,” She says annoyed. “They knew Zayn wouldn’t give him the time of day otherwise.”

 

“So what,” He starts, enraged, “Your team purposely started a friendship with my man to get him to do what exactly?”

 

“Play my side.” She says dismissively. “Now go make up and play happy families I want to go to sleep."

 

“Gigi.” It’s Ruth coming in from the kitchen. “They’re married love; whatever game this is it ends now.” She shrugs her shoulders, unbothered by the new revelations.

 

“I’m going to go to him Roo, keep her here.” He sees his sister nod slowly and he softly makes his way back into the apartment.

 

He doesn’t visit this temporary house often, too wrapped up in their houses back home. This sterile living is so bare it’s almost uncomfortable, unlike Zayn’s own house filled wall to wall with graffiti, these white washed walls have been left untouched, almost like Zayn was too afraid to bare his soul to them.

 

Slowly he reaches for Zayn and lifts him into his arms. It’s the first touch in months but he never would have assumed it would be like this. Usually they’re hungry when they meet, making up for lost time, but this time, this time it’s different.

 

He can see the slashes across Zayn’s thighs, the way they dig into his tanned skin like he’s taken the time to singe each line into his soul.

 

They make it to Zayn’s unmade bed, on the floor he can see an open sketch pad and a writing journal. On closer inspection, he can see lyrics to a song titled Roo and his heart rate increases a little.

 

He spreads him out, takes off his socks, because Zayn hates sleeping in them and finally tries to wake him. Zayn sleeps like a log, only waking up with either of two things. Black coffee or a blowjob. He smiles, remembering all their good times before the storm, chuckles into Zayn’s mouth as he leans down for a kiss.

 

Almost immediately, Zayn responds, opens his thighs wider and pulls Liam down further into his body. His eyes are still closed but Zayn’s feeling him, hands whizzing over his chest, down his spine and up again, coming to rest in Liam’s hair.

 

“You’re here.” Zayn whispers, “God I’m such a mess.” Liam grins, “Maybe,” He assures “Mr Payne, but you’re _my_ mess.”

 

“Missed you.” Zayn smiles, finally flitting his eyes open. Liam leans back just enough to flick the lamp shade on, just so he can watch them glow. “Love you.” He replies in return.

 

Zayn’s pouts, grabs his shirt and pulls him down. “Kiss me again.” When their lips meet this time, the intensity heightens. He still marvels at the way their bodies fit together, the way their mouths slide so easily between each other, how the moment their tongues meet, Liam always sees stars.

 

“Don’t hassle me over the cuts right now Li,” Zayn’s saying when they come up for air. He nods, he knows enough not to ask, Zayn usually tells him when he’s ready. “Make love to me though.” He’s continuing. “It’s been since March and I hate it.”

 

Liam laughs. Sits up to settle on his knees. “Perky I see.” Glancing down Zayn’s body who squawks in return, hands hurriedly coming down to cover his boxers.

 

“It’s been a tough few months and you were just on top of me. You can’t blame me.” He blushes, trying to force his head into the pillow. Liam’s not having it though, softly grabs Zayn’s jaw and tilts back forward. His thumb is resting on Zayn’s cheekbone for leverage as he comes down to pepper kisses over Zayn’s face.

 

“How long are you in lockdown for?” He whispers. “They said next Friday.” Zayn replies reluctantly. “But I can’t do the ball.”

 

“You were never going to do the ball though.” Zayn’s eyes slide closed at that. “I know.” He says softly, “But they said to me if I don’t extend I won’t be able to do any live shows.”

 

“Why is Gigi being so nice all of a sudden?”

 

“Because, she seems to think I’d go with her.”

 

“It’s like Perrie all over again.”

 

“Please.” Zayn signs, a finger coming over Liam’s mouth. “I never want to hear that name again, now come here.” He says tugging at his shirt again. Before he gives in, Liam needs to find the lube.

 

“Where do you keep your stuff here?” He asks, getting off the bed, locking the door and finally takes his clothes off.

 

“Bathroom, marble cabinet.”

  
“Holy shit.” He says in awe as he walks in. “We need to do this to the Surrey house.” He jokes as he walks out.

 

When he reaches Zayn, he sees that he’s put tape on his cuts and he forgets about renovations. He’s always done that. Zayn has always been ashamed of his struggles even if Liam had told him a hundred times over he’s still going to be in love with him no matter what. He doesn’t mention it, instead, he focuses on taking Zayn’s boxers off, slowly stretching the material over his thighs as to not further damage them. As Zayn relaxes, he feels his fingers falling in Liam hair. He smiles as he slowly starts to kiss up his inner thighs. His lips falling gently over the lines in acknowledgement but moves up Zayn’s body searching for his pressure points.

 

As he arrives back up to Zayn’s face, he notices a change, he’s beaming.

 

“Happy huh?” He teases, his hands coming up to tickle at Zayn’s ribcage.

 

Zayn bites Liam’s bottom lip before replying, “Happy that you’re here.”

 

“I love you jaan, and I hate seeing you cry like that.” Liam whispers, placing a small kiss over Zayn’s pulse. Zayn shivers. It’s one of the first signs their bodies have shown that they’ve missed each other.

 

As Liam moves down Zayn’s body, he’s leaving a trail of kisses in his wake. By the time he gets down to Zayn’s dick, he’s fully hard and waiting.

 

“Eager.” He chuckles

 

“Shut up and do something about it.” Zayn retorts.

 

“Cocky too.”

 

“Just missed you.” And Liam wants to say something clever in return, but something in the tone of Zayn’s voice stopped him.

 

“Hate these damn idiots so desperate to call themselves my homies.” It makes him sharply sit up. “Nope, don’t do this now. Here is the difference between me and them, I love you now pipe down and let me take care of you.” Zayn nods and closes his eyes, when Liam takes him into his mouth, it’s a slow drag, enjoying the way Zayn feels inside his throat, a sensation he’s missed over the months. He pushes until his nose nuzzles gently against Zayn’s ever so freshly trimmed hairs. He remembers the first time he’d managed to deep throat him, remembers the way Zayn came down his throat almost immediately at the new sensation. It’s different now. They’ve both learnt to control themselves, the clumsiness of youth, replaced by finess in adulthood. He comes up to lick at Zayn’s dark tip. It was one of Zayn’s major weaknesses and he enjoyed exploiting it. He can see the veins popping out, Zayn struggling to keep himself in check for a little while longer, so Liam lets up, relaxes his mouth, and reaches down to suck at his balls. His fingers go in search of the lube he’d thrown haphazardly onto the bed too eager to touch Zayn before. Zayn finds it for him, their fingers lingering as they the little bottle swaps hands. He uncaps it and spreads it over his fingers. Zayn’s helping hand there again, capping it for later use avoiding a mess on the bed.

 

He’s opening himself further then, Liam takes the opportunity to dip his tongue into Zayn’s hole. This was Zayn’s second and last weakness. Slowly he eases him up, one finger first, then a second. Zayn’s complaining that three months’ too long but Liam’s slowly hushing him assuring him they have all the time in the world. By the time he’s got his third finger in, Zayn’s pushing down onto him, fucking himself slowly, allowing him to get used to the pressure again.

 

Then he’s begging. He’s grabbing Liam by the hair and pulling him up, back so that their faces me. “Please please please," He's pleading,  "Because next week is Ramadan, and that’s another whole month I can’t have you.” Liam smirks, Zayn begging for him has never really been a thing.

 

He stops teasing, grabs the condom packet and rips it apart. Zayn sits up to slowly take it from him and put it on himself. He’s always had more stable fingers, less shaky and they’ve been through that many wasted condoms to know Liam’s too clumsy to not tear it with eagerness.

 

When it’s on, Zayn grabs the lube again, takes Liam in his hand and drips it onto him. When he’s satisfied, he looks up at him, tapping a little kiss onto Liam’s chin.

 

“Good to go?” He asks, his fingers coming up to find his. Zayn chuckles out _its coldhearted_   smiling before he nods. He's just referenced his own song and for some reason all Liam can do is smile. He loves this dork.

He adores the fact also, that even after all this time, they still ask each other if it’s all okay. When he enters him, Zayn’s hissing around words Liam will never understand, but then he’s coming down onto him, giving him time to adjust to the new angle before leaning in for a kiss.

 

They go slow, just for the pure fact they _can_ but then he’s speeding up their rhythm just as he notices the way Zayn’s eyes roll back into his head. When he opens his eyes to look up at Liam, they’re shining. Then he’s grabbing up at his back to slam him faster into him and in no time, he’s got Liam seeing white with pressure. When he comes down from his high, he realises that their hands found each other’s, their hips now aligned next to each other not on top of another.

 

Zayn must have moved him off him while he was out of it. When he looks up, Zayn’s smiling down at him, happy and sated.

 

“Needed that more than I knew.” He’s laughing around the words. “Missed you Meri – Jaan.” He says simply, coming down to kiss at Liam’s forehead.

 

“It reminded me of Vienna.” Liam says, “Our honeymoon sex?” Liam nods and chuckles, "Last time I remember you begging."

 

“Now you’re just pulling my leg.” Zayn’s smiling, getting off the bed to get a wash cloth. “Although, I needed you here more than I knew.”

 

“Why is that?” He asks as Zayn takes the condom off and cleans both of them up.

 

“Because,” He says, his smile disappearing for a while, “It’s gonna be hell next Saturday, but Roo’s wedding is all that matters if I’m honest.”

 

“Is she coming home too?”  Zayn nods, “I’m afraid so.”

 

He reaches over to kiss at Zayn’s face. “We’ll get through this, like we always get through our shit.”

 

Zayn looks away, his eyes flutter closed, “I know. It’s just sometimes it’s hard to see the finish line.”

 

“It will come, and when we’re forty-five running after teenagers we’ll be the ones laughing.”

 

Zayn grins. “I like the idea of that.” Liam grabs Zayn’s necklace and hold it up, just as he raises his hand. “When we said together forever we meant it right?” He asks Zayn again for the sake of it. “We did.” Zayn smirks. “And nothing, and no one, not even Griff lying to you for so long will tear us apart like they want us to.” He says, finally reaching down to skim his fingers over his cuts.

 

“I was doing so good.” Zayn sighs. “Three yeas clean gone.” But Liam shakes his head. “We’ll just start rebuilding from here just like we always do.”

 

 

“Main tumse pyar karta hoon.” Zayn says, leaning in, looking for a small kiss. Liam obliges and smiles. “Now come on, you need to pray and we’ve got a song to write.”

 

“How’s the jetlag?” He asks as he walks himself to the bathroom to shower before Wudu.”

 

“It will wait; I want at least half of the song done before Tom gets here.”

 

“Tom is coming to New York?” Zayn says confused poking his head out of the bathroom toothbrush in his mouth.

 

Liam chuckles, “Jaan, Ruth’s kinda already next door. I just thank every living God that we’re quiet because I don’t think she would have liked that very much.” Zayn grins. “Oh I don’t mind.” He starts, his eyes lighting up, “Gigi might have finally got why I’m married to you not fucking it off with her.”

 

“God Z, I don’t get why she won’t get it isn’t happening.”

 

Zayn just shrugs, “They never do baby. Now get in here and look semi presentable.” He smiles as Liam saunters over to the bathroom to join him.

 

“Hey Li,” He says quietly as they get into the shower and streams of light finally hit the floor announcing the new day. “Hmm.” He answers as Zayn’s head comes down to rest over his chest.

 

“Thank you for everything.”

 

And that’s that.

 

*

“Hey Tom?” Zayn asks when the sun’s disappeared and they’re finishing up the piece. “What does Ruth mean to you, right here, right now?” He hears from the other side of the room. He feels a little bit bad that his sister’s fiancé looks like hell, transatlantic flights aren’t good on anyone, even in private jets he realises.

 

“Everything.” Tom replies, “Absolutely everything.”

 

“Good.” He hears Zayn says, “Now remember to hold that feeling today and everyday into your future. It’s the only way Li and I survive, it's learning to live with your heartbeats living as one .”

 

He watches as Tom nods, taking Zayn’s words of wisdom before both of them look over to him. He drops his head into his pad and pretends he wasn’t listening.

 

He’s learnt something today he’ll know he’ll treasure forever.

 

*

“Yesterday was gorgeous Li.” Zayn’s hushing out, the early morning grey light only just spilling into the room. It was the day after the wedding and this is Zayn’s favourite type of weather. He’s aware its early, Zayn up to eat and Salat before he fasts, this is the only time they have together now.

 

“Hmm.” He agrees, his fingers coming up to rub the sleep out of his eyes. He can hear the rain from the nearby open window. A soft cold breeze hitting his face as he angles himself towards Zayn.”

 

“I don’t like it when they do that though.” He sighs. When he opens his eyes, Zayn’s face is hovering on top of his, body pressed to his side, his left hand coming up to rest over Liam’s chest.

 

“It was somewhat true though.”

 

“Well –” Zayn drawls out. “They double booked me on purpose, and my priorities right now as they’ve always been, it’s here, even lockdowns won’t stop me even if I do look like an idiot it doesn't matter when I'm still the one married to you.” His feels a smile spread across his face.

 

The coldness radiating of Zayn’s wedding band only registering, it’s on now, and has been so for the last couple of days, it’s been glorious.

 

Zayn comes down for a chaste kiss, “Let’s be honest,” He whispers, “If I where to have been anywhere next to Wembley yesterday, I would have had to be carried out in a stretcher anyway, doesn’t matter though, because even if they made me stay out in New York till the last minute dancing in the middle of Times Square with her naked, I wouldn’t have missed Roo’s wedding.”

 

“Family right?”

 

Zayn nods, “Family always comes first.” He whispers his head finally coming down to rest on Liam’s chest.

 

“Also, we should write more songs together.”

 

“I agree, let’s make a whole album too.” He chuckles.

 

“Deal Mr Malik - Payne.” Zayn chuckles, snuggling back into Liam’s warmth.

 

And that’s just it Liam thinks, family is the most important thing right now and always. And even if they have to sacrifice a hell of a lot it, and even if they have to deal with relapses and mental health issues, they have each other and in a few hours, Zayn’s family will storm the house and his parents will join them for iftar and that’s the only thing that matters as Zayn’s hand finds his and their bracelets and wedding bands clink together, after months apart their puzzle pieces finally click back into place.

 

Like always.

 

*


End file.
